It's been awhile

Hello lovely friends,

It has been a while since I posted. Almost 6 months actually. There is no real reason for this besides laziness...though I am a current contributor to another blog: http://greenlightrevolution.blogspot.com/ Check it out some time.

But lately, I have been feeling apathetic and out of it. I want to rebuke that and get into the holiday spirit. Why? Because this is a time when we celebrate how the God of the Universe came on the ultimate cross-cultural mission trip and came as a baby to save us.

Christmas so often gets lost in the hype of presents and tradition that we forget to stop and think about the act of love and provision that all began with Christ being born.

So if you are like me, I challenge you to throw of skepticism, bad attitudes, hum-bug antics, and embrace the meaning of Christmas: give thanks and praise Jesus:-)

Merry Christmas!

Birthday, mayhem, and other shenanigans:-)

I love life.....never quite what you expect, but always an adventure and always surprising:-)

This is my first blog as a twenty-five year old and I have to say, not as scary as I first thought. I find myself full of anticipation and excitement for what the next year will bring! Again, I hope not necessarily what I expect, but to be surprised at every corner and enjoy the ride.

Birthday update: SERIOUSLY BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!
-1st: surprised by amazing Hosier family with cake, dinner, and presents from the whole brood....made me want to cry I felt so loved
-2nd: Night at Duffy's with great friends, 80's rock...and crazy bike rides at 2 in the morning:-)(I love Jenna and Tim!!!!!!!)
-3rd: no picnic, but still fun times that I will always be thankful for

Thanks again for all the birthday love and memories...for those of you who weren't there, I still felt the b-day love, so thanks:-)

And on a marathon note...I have run THREE times this week! Mental block/Schmental block...I'm twenty-five, alive, and raring to go! Love you guys!!!!!!

Writing Exercise

Find a random sentence, take ten minutes and write a story including that sentence. Product below:

Drip, drip, drip…toes curled to the edge of the great abyss. Dampened towel, draped to a shivering body. Fear emanating out like water out of a flood gate. To the left and to the right hoards of rowdy patrons disturbed the once stillness of the surface skin. Cannonballs, swan dives, lappers, and hooligans pushed tidal waves over the hot cement. Determination and curiosity kept him there, but inexperience paralyzed him. However, a populated pool draws advanced counsel. Slightly older, slightly taller, just as scared, his brother boldly stepped towards the crisp aqua blue sloshing back and forth before him. With a turn and a smirk he hurled with uninhibited fiery. In the wake of crashing waves, the towel dropped, the toes released, and in newly found courage Little Tommy leaped towards the unknown.

Training Log: Week 2 - Mental Friggin Wall

I am realizing more and more my aptitude for complaining....I never thought I was a complainer...but if truth be told...I like to complain.

So this is it! My last rant and then I am going to suck it up and deal! There is only so much that can be put into fighting against your own body and mind before it is time to stop complaining and start doing....I think I was at that point two weeks ago...but like I said, I'm good at complaining and drawing out the self-pity for all long as possible...Last week I tried to run three times....no run lasted longer then a mile....I even got on my bike while my friend when for a run!....I have hit this wall and all of a sudden this little training glitch has turned into the Great Wall of China and every where I look I don't see solution...just more wall.

But again, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't want to heap dung upon my funk but dig out of the hole one mile at a time and get back to where I used to be!.....but again...I just don't know how to break the self-indulgent cycle of self-deprecations and failure.

Today is a new day....today I try to run two miles....tomorrow...maybe three. Pray for me...I need it!....end of rant: new beginning!!!

Training Log: 12 Weeks to go...week 1 of training...again

Twelve Weeks to Marathon

Do or Die point

If you are going to run a marathon....you should give yourself AT LEAST twelve weeks to train.....it is time to step it up and start training...FOR REAL this time:-)

Update...training has been less then stellar, but like it states above, it is do or die time and I am choosing to DO!...I reconfigured my training schedule and I need to put away this silly mental block and hit the road. Pray for me! I need it! I want this season of training to teach me about perseverance, discipline, and striving towards a goal.....what I really need is someone to make sure I wake up at 6am to do my runs!!! (Anyone? Buller? Want to be my alarm clock???)

Other updates: Chicago summer...FANTASTIC! I love the lake, I love biking the city, I love the festivals, and I love hanging out with new friends! Such a blessing to see how my life has transformed in the past 12 months:-)

School update: I have applied fro grad school...I should find out in 4 weeks. Time to take advantage of the this season of life and get my masters.....I'm scared but excited and hope to grow a lot in my writing and maybe even get published!!!...we'll see

Last update: social...I'M GOING TO LONDON!!!!!! I found really cheap tickets for the first week in November and jumped all over them...you don't have to ask me twice:-)

.....not sure if anyone reads this blog....but for those of you who do, I appreciate it a lot....It makes me feel connected:-) I love you all, you are great!

Training Log: Week 2 - Lesson Umpteen

Running schedule this week:

Planned
Monday: 4 Miles easy + strength training
Tuesday: 5 miles w/intermittent sprints
Wednesday: 30-40 min cardio + strength training
Thursday: 4 mile easy/moderate run
Friday: 30 min cardio
Saturday: 6 mile easy

Actual thus far:
Monday: 40 min bike ride + weights...not bad
Tuesday: attempted 4 mile run...which equaled 1 mile run, 1 mile walk + bike commute
Wednesday: 7 mile run to work...which turned into 2 mile run, 5 mile walk

What the heck is wrong with me? I just can't seem to pick up my feet! But I know that the things worth while in life are the things that take sacrifice, hard-work, and perseverance...but seriously......why can't drinking ice coffee's from McDonald's get me ready for the marathon!?!

Hehehe.....Let me run the race set before me, fixing my eyes on Christ the author and perfecter of my faith.....I think I'm a bit too inward focused for my own good....hmmm, something to think about

Lessons in Humility

I have this saying that I joke about with friends, "I don't do things I'm not good at!"...now it is a joke...but really, I'm prideful and it's true. For example, baseball: I LOVE BASEBALL! I love to watch baseball and cheer for my boys, (aka the Red Sox), and basically everything about it...except playing it...why? "I don't do things I'm not good at!" The term "lacking" doesn't even begin to describe my hand-eye coordination:-)

Well...sometimes doing things that you are not good at teaches you about humility and not being so prideful.

I had another "hit upside the head by the Holy Spirit" moment this weekend whilst running the 13.1 Chicago race. Talk about a lesson in humility! I love running, but I am neither fast nor driven to go the distance....however, I think the attempt to push through and persevere is a journey well worth taking.

At mile 8.5 I decided that running is stupid and I didn't want to do it anymore. To bad for me the only way back to the starting line was to keep going. You see the start line was also the finish line.

I foolishly asked God to use this race to teach me something....careful what you pray for! Our God is faithful and although He does not often answer the way we think He should, He does answer!...so...little less then five miles to the end on the race and I decide that running is stupid....what was actually happening is I saw all these people passing me and as each one went by I though, "He is faster then me, she is faster then me, he is faster, him too...dang...all these people are better then I am!!!"

That's when Jesus smacked me upside the head and reminded me that this is my race, not their, and the only one I'm racing against is myself....i would like to say that at that point I kicked it up a gear and ran with all my heart...well...let's just say God wasn't finished teaching me about humility.

If you have ever ran semi-long distances, you know that after a certain point it becomes a mental battle....yes there are points when your body says stop, or slow down, or WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO ME!?!....but mostly quitting or poor performance comes more out of the mental struggle then anything else. For me, at 8.5 miles into my race I hit my wall...my mental barrier. My body could have kept going at a decent speed, but my mind was playing games.

Again, foolishly I had asked God to use this race to teach me about perseverance, endurance, focus, finishing the race, and to teach me about myself....what I learned? Well, I learn that I am a pansy, who likes to complain and compare myself to all those around me rather then focusing on the goal and pushing through. Let's call this phenomenon, "easily distracted"!

But, I did push through...and although my time was not anywhere near where I thought it would be or where I wanted it to me, I realized that it was a starting out point. This is the beginning of the journey...not the end...not the end all be all, but the point to push off from.

In the end...what did God teach me? That this "race" we are running is our race. No one else's. We can't compare our "race" to anyone's. Comparing ourselves, getting caught up in the distractions gets us no where fast. If we want to persevere and push towards the goal, then we need to work, and most importantly we need to lay aside our pride and push on towards the goal. Because that is the only way to get the prize.

The lessons God continues to teach me...

Some times I wish God would just hit me upside the head.....sometimes, God hits me upside the head!...but I have to say, every time I am reminded of my stupidity and His greatness and then reminded of the fact that He still loves me and gave up EVERYTHING for me, I am simply blown away by His grace.

I had one of those moments this morning while emailing Jesus, (that's right, email is the new journal, get with it people!)....basically I was rambling away my frustration of feeling far from Him lately. And the crux of the matter was this: I felt that all of my habitual and repetitive sin was keeping me from seeing God's will worked out in my life. I felt like I was missing the boat or something. As soon as I wrote it, I felt the Holy Spirit hit me upside the head....Like ANYTHING I could do could keep God's will from happening. The sovereign God, perfect in all timing, the creator of the universe was not likely to be detoured my pee brain antics! I felt like an idiot...but at the same time I was overwhelmed by His grace...that no matter what I do, nothing can separate me from the love of God. that yes i might miss out on blessings along the way, that in my rebellion I could miss out on fruits of the Spirit that would bring me greater intimacy with Jesus...but in His sovereignty, in His grace, and His sacrifice, there is nothing that can take me away from Him. And although His is the creator of the universe and I am nothing...I am something because He first loved me!

That is the truth: Nothing I can do will separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus! His Will will be done! Although I am weak, i an found in Christ and I have traded my brokenness for His righteousness!

So lesson learned...again...and do you know what...i will probably need to be reminded of this fact again and again...and again...but I am thankfully that we have a merciful and gracious God...because He will continue to hit me upside the head every time I need it! thanks Jesus:-)

Changes:-)

It's official...it is no longer winter.....there is no prediction of snow in the forecast...and I've all ready been to my first summer Chicago festival!

WELCOME TO SUMMER!!!!!!

Let me also take this opportunity to welcome Harrison Finlay Gamester to the world! First child of Nathan and Sarah Gamester, proud parents and extraordinary human beings:-) This kid is one luck one to enter into such a great family and I am super stoked to see what God has in store for Baby Harrison and Mama and Daddy Gamester!

Other new additions, Elijah Kwon Parker is now 1 week old and SUPER cute:-) A couple in my church, Scott & Moon Parker, have just welcomed their second son to the world!

So summer time and babies! I am more then a little excited.

Chicago life is pretty amazing I have to say.....I love everything about it and I am waiting with anticipation for the adventure ahead!

Bring it on Jesus!

there again

I feel like there is weight on my back...pushing me down so I am faced with my sin and stuck in a patterns of stumbling and falling and wiping the muck off my face. I think Dante had this part down......in Purgatory people are working off their sin and continuously faced with their sinful rebellion and the reminder of their fallen souls. As they make their way up the mountain to God and Paradise the weight on their shoulder gets lighter and lighter until they can finally stand up straight and see God face to face. So I understand the illustration that Dante makes, but I don't agree with it....Oh I agree that you can feel like that...in fact I feel like that most days lately, but the truth is we do not need to work off our sin before the weight is taken from our shoulders. Your Word Lord say that Christ paid the price we could not pay. He has already taken the burden onto his own shoulders. He bore the weight of the Cross and that is enough. What is there we can do that Christ has not already done? What cost is greater then the death and resurrection of the Son of God?....yet we often try to pay penance for our sins...I often try to pay. There is a lie that the devil propagates stating that we earn our salvation.....we are the ones that sin and therefore we should be the ones to pay the price. It makes sense. But the truth of God is foolishness to the world. His grace is sufficient even for the likes of me.....if salvation is about earning my way into heaven, working off my sin to become right with the Father, to have a relationship with Christ, then two major problems occur. One: the weight of salvation is on my shoulders...that is a lot of pressure and frankly a lost battle. And two: that makes me like God...I have all the power.....but actually...there is a third problem that trumps the first two...what does that say about the cross? If the way to salvation is determined by my actions then why did Jesus die? Was His sacrifice insufficient to rectify my relationship with God? May it never be! Again, His grace is sufficient!

So what the heck is my problem? I know this truth...I know I do not "earn" a right relationship with God.....it is not what I do, but what He has done....the old has passed away and I am a new creation in Christ....I've traded my rages for His righteousness...yet when I stumble and when I fall...which is often.....instead of embracing this fundamental truth, I beat myself up, I take the weight of sin which Christ has already bore, strap it to my back, and try to make my way up the mountain, continuously dwelling in my indiscretions and forgetting the grace of our Lord. It sounds stupid to say out loud...to look truth in the face and say it's not good enough for me. Yet my actions speak louder then this truth I know in my head. I need to live this truth daily. So again I ask, Lord give me grace, grace to see you, grace to understand you, grace to let go of my sin, and grace to jump headfirst into you truth....to be hidden in Christ and found in Him alone. Amen

Writing exercise

If you want to be a writer....then you have to write....One reason I originally started blogging was to give myself a medium to express my creative itch. So without further ado...her is a quick short story that helped to occupy the last 20 minutes of my day:

“Everything was fine till the police showed up at the blogging convention”

Monday: 10-12 play date for Billy
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 pot-roast
Tuesday: 11am Brunch with Kim
1:30 Sing-ups for summer camp
2-3:30 painting studio for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 Lasagna
Wednesday: 7:30 field trip to War Museum with Catherine & Billy
2-4:30 Mall trip for Spring wear
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 Salmon & asparagus
Thursday: 9:45 meeting with head of Milton Academy pre-school
11-2 Women’s blogging conference
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 meatloaf & peas
8 William Sr. sick from arsenic
Friday: Parent/teacher day Kids at home
9 call ambulance for dead husband
10:30 call school to cancel appoints
11-2 act the grieving wife with friends
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5 bring Sam to sleepover
6:30 Hamburgers on the grill

Monday…check…Tuesday….check…Wednesday…check…Thursday…hmm…Thursday had a bit of a snag. Everything was fine till the police showed up at the blogging convention. What is more harmless then housewives meeting to discuss a forum to share ideas? I still plead my innocence. Sharon is the one who slowly feed her husband to death, using a combination of extra hot bubble baths and copious amounts of food. True…it is much harder to detect foul play when bumbling blimp calls wolf. Obviously his extreme obesity can’t be anyone’s fault but his own….brilliant, but too time consuming. I had a schedule to keep. If it worked for women of the past, I would just rather stick with a classic then reinvent the Bible.

Freedom of speech…free flow of ideas…isn’t that the point of the evolution of technology? So shoot me for putting bronze behind the brains, gumption behind the umption…actions speak louder than fingers numbly maneuvering over a keyboard…though, I didn’t expect my actions to be heard this loudly…opps.

But anyways, now it is Friday and my schedule is all off. No one is home to watch the kids but William. And obviously there is a problem with William or arsenic would not be such an appealing option. No one seems to understand the grave injustice underway. If not stopped, William will trod on in his pathetically pitiful existence and I will be stuck here. I do not think this jump suit goes with my complexion and play dates through Plexiglas are highly inconvenient.

I must speak with the Captain. He always seemed like a nice man. Though his wife Loraine did have tips of her own for disposing of her pompous, inefficient husband, so perhaps it’s best to button up my lips for the moment. I simply do not understand. All these eyes fixed on me as if witnessing a ravenous beast out of its natural habitat….destined to be out in a cage. But perhaps it was the cage that made the beast…time already spent in captivity that turned the creature murderous?

But back to the point, I refuse to accept their arrogance…is if this could never happen in their backyards. They choose to live in oblivion to the rustling mummers of discontent housewives, but I speak for the unheard, underappreciated masses. I speak, therefore I am. I am Mrs. William Butler Cartwright, housewife, mother, and go-getter.

Copyright 4/22/09 Cathy Kaminski

OPPS! Forgot to keep blogging!

Oh goodness.....so it has been two months and no post...not that there hasn't been a lot to post about, but purely based on my amazing ability to procrastinate! So here is a short post...to let you know that I'm alive!

I have been think about different subjects to post on and was waiting for a major update before posting one....but that is silly and with that attitude I would never post again!

So on the short update...Northwestern Law School has decided to make my job a FULL TIME appointment and not just temp! That means this morning I applied for the job I have had since the beginning of November and HOPEFULLY shortly i will be officially hired! WOOHOO for benefits! I can't wait to go to the dentist and the eye doctor:-)

I will write more when I know more!

I need grace...DAILY!

Today I'm being very bitchy...I know I am being bitchy.....I don't want to be bitchy...but alas, the next thing I know....I'm being mean for no reason!

Do you ever wonder why we do this? I'm assuming I'm not alone in this phenomenon. In fact it makes me think of Paul in Romans 7 babbling about doing what he shouldn't do and not doing what he wants to do and ought to do....something like that. So here I am...in this slump of selfishness and loathing and I can't figure out what the heck I did to get here.

But I know how it get out. Jesus. That simple. That powerful. His grace is sufficient for me..even my crabby, mean, mode that encumbers and clouds my day.

Here is the problem....I know Jesus is the answer, I want to be in a better mode, but I also want to selfishly sulk about all the things that are putting me in this funk instead of seek the peace of a loving Savior. What the heck is wrong with me? Am I on drugs? no....but apparently I can't get out of my own way long enough to receive the blessings of redemption and the abundant grace that overflows from a life found in Christ....is this human nature? Are we all this stupid? Or is it just me? Perhaps the later has a ring of truth.

Solution? Suck it up and turn to truth: Roamns 7

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "

Pray for me...to suck it up...put my stubborn, selfish, sin nature aside and accept the gift of unmerited favor and grace....I seriously don't deserve it...but dang am I grateful!

God is good:-)

Over the past seven odd years I have found myself living in various different locations....from Boston, to Newport Beach, Swanzey Lake, London....now to Chicago.

Throughout my decision process as to "where" to move, i have tried to be faithful to pray and trust that God has prepared the way for each local. Of course, faith is an action, so if we want to see God move we got to pick up our feet! The version in Genesis where God says to Abram, "Go and I WILL show you the land I have given you!" The tense of word 'will' has always struck me as indicative of God's nature. Part of faith is trusting in what we can't see....luckily faith is a gift and we can ask for more of it!

Anyways, point of my ramble....in each of the places I have moved there has been that moment when I am walking around like normal and suddenly it strikes me that I am home. I am exactly where God wants me and I have an overwhelming feeling of joy and peace the washes over me like a wave of grace from God the Father:-).....today I received a wave!

I don't know what God has in store for my life, but I know that it will be an adventure. I don't know what this Chicago life will look like, but I am excited. I have no idea what the future hold, but I will GO, and He WILL show me:-)

Fasting

It is my general impression that most of us are lacking in the spiritual discipline department. In a society inundated with instant gratification it is easy to understand why the concept of sacrifice is difficult. But how do you get from understanding the obstacles to practicing spiritual disciplines? Why should we even try? What the heck is a spiritual discipline anyways?

Let me back track, when I say "spiritual discipline" I mean a behavior I choose to do as a means to get closer to God and receive His grace. For example: tithing, praying, journaling, reading my Bible, and fasting.

Why should we try to practice spiritual disciplines? They provide opportunities to trust God; chances to see more of His character; the possibility to interact with the living God and be transformed by Him.

What about obstacles? Actually that is why I am writing, I think the obstacles are the barriers we push at in order to see God face to face!

This is what I mean: I find it difficult to fast, but I think it is important for the aforementioned reasons. But lately I have been having an exceedingly difficult time committing to my times of fasting. There were several reasons for this, however I realized that my biggest problem was that I was concentrating on the action of fasting and forgetting the purpose! I took God out of the equation and was consumed by the physical action and subsequent reaction of depriving myself of food. I was so focused on the tangible that I forgot to pray through the sacrifice.

In a moment of clarity I rectified my mistake and prayed for revelation. Realizing that the obstacle was my opportunity to pushing into God. This is an excerpt from my journal:

"I am fasting in preparation for this conference, in anticipation that you will be there in power. With an expectant heart to see you move. Forgetting though that hunger points out my humanness and it is that reminder that should demonstrate the need for you...my hunger, my weakness, my inability to sustain my own needs, my dependence on things of this world, and YOUR ability to sustain me fully with manna from heaven with more then I could ever want. yes, i need food to survive....but I am awful dependent on food as a source of comfort and stability instead of you. I rebuke that behavior! I rebuke my dependence on food! I pray that I can more fully be dependent on you as my source of peace, hope, grace, and truth. I will not make an idol of things of this world. I will remember that YOU are God. You alone are my foundation and nothing about your peace is temporary or fleeting. You are my sustainer of life and I put my trust in you alone. Help me to remember that you are the one who i need to depend on. You are the one that is the giver of life. You are the one who can fill me up and keep me satisfied. What I need daily is not food, by YOU alone!"

And it is on that note that I hope you have the opportunity to push through barriers and meet with God. Don't be afraid of obstacles or sacrifice...they are chances to see God move.

It's been awhile...

I realize that in light of declaring that I would write entries to my book here I have subsequently stopped posting all together. Definitely not my original intent! Therefore, in light of my lack of diligence to post entry for "Ramblings of an Incomplete Idiot" I will just an update on my life in Chicago:-)

Biggest change: I FOUND A CHURCH!!!!!!!!

Since moving to Chicago I have gone to many great churches, but have yet to find a home. That changed when I went to the Newfrontiers church plant, Fusion, (www.realfusion.org). It isn't anything like the type of church I was looking for, but the people are real, they obviously love Jesus, and the are passionate about Chicago...all things considered, I guess they are exactly what I was looking for!

Second, NPU people are back from Winter break and I am excited for a new semester of small group with some amazing ladies:-) Also grateful for the friends that God has provided in this new and strange city.

Things to look forward to in 2009:
-Remembering the promises God has spoken into my life and putting faith into action to take steps to claim those promises...(aka get off my lazy butt, stop complaining and doing something!)
-Growing in new disciplines, (actually being obedient and diligent for more then, what, 4 days)
-Running the Chicago half-marathon in June with Kari, and the full marathon in October with JT
-Making a budget and sticking to it
-Going on new adventures
-Having peace at the prospect of the unknown