I feel like there is weight on my back...pushing me down so I am faced with my sin and stuck in a patterns of stumbling and falling and wiping the muck off my face. I think Dante had this part down......in Purgatory people are working off their sin and continuously faced with their sinful rebellion and the reminder of their fallen souls. As they make their way up the mountain to God and Paradise the weight on their shoulder gets lighter and lighter until they can finally stand up straight and see God face to face. So I understand the illustration that Dante makes, but I don't agree with it....Oh I agree that you can feel like that...in fact I feel like that most days lately, but the truth is we do not need to work off our sin before the weight is taken from our shoulders. Your Word Lord say that Christ paid the price we could not pay. He has already taken the burden onto his own shoulders. He bore the weight of the Cross and that is enough. What is there we can do that Christ has not already done? What cost is greater then the death and resurrection of the Son of God?....yet we often try to pay penance for our sins...I often try to pay. There is a lie that the devil propagates stating that we earn our salvation.....we are the ones that sin and therefore we should be the ones to pay the price. It makes sense. But the truth of God is foolishness to the world. His grace is sufficient even for the likes of me.....if salvation is about earning my way into heaven, working off my sin to become right with the Father, to have a relationship with Christ, then two major problems occur. One: the weight of salvation is on my shoulders...that is a lot of pressure and frankly a lost battle. And two: that makes me like God...I have all the power.....but actually...there is a third problem that trumps the first two...what does that say about the cross? If the way to salvation is determined by my actions then why did Jesus die? Was His sacrifice insufficient to rectify my relationship with God? May it never be! Again, His grace is sufficient!
So what the heck is my problem? I know this truth...I know I do not "earn" a right relationship with God.....it is not what I do, but what He has done....the old has passed away and I am a new creation in Christ....I've traded my rages for His righteousness...yet when I stumble and when I fall...which is often.....instead of embracing this fundamental truth, I beat myself up, I take the weight of sin which Christ has already bore, strap it to my back, and try to make my way up the mountain, continuously dwelling in my indiscretions and forgetting the grace of our Lord. It sounds stupid to say out loud...to look truth in the face and say it's not good enough for me. Yet my actions speak louder then this truth I know in my head. I need to live this truth daily. So again I ask, Lord give me grace, grace to see you, grace to understand you, grace to let go of my sin, and grace to jump headfirst into you truth....to be hidden in Christ and found in Him alone. Amen
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Writing exercise
If you want to be a writer....then you have to write....One reason I originally started blogging was to give myself a medium to express my creative itch. So without further ado...her is a quick short story that helped to occupy the last 20 minutes of my day:
“Everything was fine till the police showed up at the blogging convention”
Monday: 10-12 play date for Billy
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 pot-roast
Tuesday: 11am Brunch with Kim
1:30 Sing-ups for summer camp
2-3:30 painting studio for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 Lasagna
Wednesday: 7:30 field trip to War Museum with Catherine & Billy
2-4:30 Mall trip for Spring wear
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 Salmon & asparagus
Thursday: 9:45 meeting with head of Milton Academy pre-school
11-2 Women’s blogging conference
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 meatloaf & peas
8 William Sr. sick from arsenic
Friday: Parent/teacher day Kids at home
9 call ambulance for dead husband
10:30 call school to cancel appoints
11-2 act the grieving wife with friends
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5 bring Sam to sleepover
6:30 Hamburgers on the grill
Monday…check…Tuesday….check…Wednesday…check…Thursday…hmm…Thursday had a bit of a snag. Everything was fine till the police showed up at the blogging convention. What is more harmless then housewives meeting to discuss a forum to share ideas? I still plead my innocence. Sharon is the one who slowly feed her husband to death, using a combination of extra hot bubble baths and copious amounts of food. True…it is much harder to detect foul play when bumbling blimp calls wolf. Obviously his extreme obesity can’t be anyone’s fault but his own….brilliant, but too time consuming. I had a schedule to keep. If it worked for women of the past, I would just rather stick with a classic then reinvent the Bible.
Freedom of speech…free flow of ideas…isn’t that the point of the evolution of technology? So shoot me for putting bronze behind the brains, gumption behind the umption…actions speak louder than fingers numbly maneuvering over a keyboard…though, I didn’t expect my actions to be heard this loudly…opps.
But anyways, now it is Friday and my schedule is all off. No one is home to watch the kids but William. And obviously there is a problem with William or arsenic would not be such an appealing option. No one seems to understand the grave injustice underway. If not stopped, William will trod on in his pathetically pitiful existence and I will be stuck here. I do not think this jump suit goes with my complexion and play dates through Plexiglas are highly inconvenient.
I must speak with the Captain. He always seemed like a nice man. Though his wife Loraine did have tips of her own for disposing of her pompous, inefficient husband, so perhaps it’s best to button up my lips for the moment. I simply do not understand. All these eyes fixed on me as if witnessing a ravenous beast out of its natural habitat….destined to be out in a cage. But perhaps it was the cage that made the beast…time already spent in captivity that turned the creature murderous?
But back to the point, I refuse to accept their arrogance…is if this could never happen in their backyards. They choose to live in oblivion to the rustling mummers of discontent housewives, but I speak for the unheard, underappreciated masses. I speak, therefore I am. I am Mrs. William Butler Cartwright, housewife, mother, and go-getter.
Copyright 4/22/09 Cathy Kaminski
“Everything was fine till the police showed up at the blogging convention”
Monday: 10-12 play date for Billy
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 pot-roast
Tuesday: 11am Brunch with Kim
1:30 Sing-ups for summer camp
2-3:30 painting studio for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 Lasagna
Wednesday: 7:30 field trip to War Museum with Catherine & Billy
2-4:30 Mall trip for Spring wear
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 Salmon & asparagus
Thursday: 9:45 meeting with head of Milton Academy pre-school
11-2 Women’s blogging conference
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5:15 pick up Sam from Soccer
6:30 meatloaf & peas
8 William Sr. sick from arsenic
Friday: Parent/teacher day Kids at home
9 call ambulance for dead husband
10:30 call school to cancel appoints
11-2 act the grieving wife with friends
2-3:30 dance class for Catherine
5 bring Sam to sleepover
6:30 Hamburgers on the grill
Monday…check…Tuesday….check…Wednesday…check…Thursday…hmm…Thursday had a bit of a snag. Everything was fine till the police showed up at the blogging convention. What is more harmless then housewives meeting to discuss a forum to share ideas? I still plead my innocence. Sharon is the one who slowly feed her husband to death, using a combination of extra hot bubble baths and copious amounts of food. True…it is much harder to detect foul play when bumbling blimp calls wolf. Obviously his extreme obesity can’t be anyone’s fault but his own….brilliant, but too time consuming. I had a schedule to keep. If it worked for women of the past, I would just rather stick with a classic then reinvent the Bible.
Freedom of speech…free flow of ideas…isn’t that the point of the evolution of technology? So shoot me for putting bronze behind the brains, gumption behind the umption…actions speak louder than fingers numbly maneuvering over a keyboard…though, I didn’t expect my actions to be heard this loudly…opps.
But anyways, now it is Friday and my schedule is all off. No one is home to watch the kids but William. And obviously there is a problem with William or arsenic would not be such an appealing option. No one seems to understand the grave injustice underway. If not stopped, William will trod on in his pathetically pitiful existence and I will be stuck here. I do not think this jump suit goes with my complexion and play dates through Plexiglas are highly inconvenient.
I must speak with the Captain. He always seemed like a nice man. Though his wife Loraine did have tips of her own for disposing of her pompous, inefficient husband, so perhaps it’s best to button up my lips for the moment. I simply do not understand. All these eyes fixed on me as if witnessing a ravenous beast out of its natural habitat….destined to be out in a cage. But perhaps it was the cage that made the beast…time already spent in captivity that turned the creature murderous?
But back to the point, I refuse to accept their arrogance…is if this could never happen in their backyards. They choose to live in oblivion to the rustling mummers of discontent housewives, but I speak for the unheard, underappreciated masses. I speak, therefore I am. I am Mrs. William Butler Cartwright, housewife, mother, and go-getter.
Copyright 4/22/09 Cathy Kaminski
Monday, April 20, 2009
OPPS! Forgot to keep blogging!
Oh goodness.....so it has been two months and no post...not that there hasn't been a lot to post about, but purely based on my amazing ability to procrastinate! So here is a short post...to let you know that I'm alive!
I have been think about different subjects to post on and was waiting for a major update before posting one....but that is silly and with that attitude I would never post again!
So on the short update...Northwestern Law School has decided to make my job a FULL TIME appointment and not just temp! That means this morning I applied for the job I have had since the beginning of November and HOPEFULLY shortly i will be officially hired! WOOHOO for benefits! I can't wait to go to the dentist and the eye doctor:-)
I will write more when I know more!
I have been think about different subjects to post on and was waiting for a major update before posting one....but that is silly and with that attitude I would never post again!
So on the short update...Northwestern Law School has decided to make my job a FULL TIME appointment and not just temp! That means this morning I applied for the job I have had since the beginning of November and HOPEFULLY shortly i will be officially hired! WOOHOO for benefits! I can't wait to go to the dentist and the eye doctor:-)
I will write more when I know more!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I need grace...DAILY!
Today I'm being very bitchy...I know I am being bitchy.....I don't want to be bitchy...but alas, the next thing I know....I'm being mean for no reason!
Do you ever wonder why we do this? I'm assuming I'm not alone in this phenomenon. In fact it makes me think of Paul in Romans 7 babbling about doing what he shouldn't do and not doing what he wants to do and ought to do....something like that. So here I am...in this slump of selfishness and loathing and I can't figure out what the heck I did to get here.
But I know how it get out. Jesus. That simple. That powerful. His grace is sufficient for me..even my crabby, mean, mode that encumbers and clouds my day.
Here is the problem....I know Jesus is the answer, I want to be in a better mode, but I also want to selfishly sulk about all the things that are putting me in this funk instead of seek the peace of a loving Savior. What the heck is wrong with me? Am I on drugs? no....but apparently I can't get out of my own way long enough to receive the blessings of redemption and the abundant grace that overflows from a life found in Christ....is this human nature? Are we all this stupid? Or is it just me? Perhaps the later has a ring of truth.
Solution? Suck it up and turn to truth: Roamns 7
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "
Pray for me...to suck it up...put my stubborn, selfish, sin nature aside and accept the gift of unmerited favor and grace....I seriously don't deserve it...but dang am I grateful!
Do you ever wonder why we do this? I'm assuming I'm not alone in this phenomenon. In fact it makes me think of Paul in Romans 7 babbling about doing what he shouldn't do and not doing what he wants to do and ought to do....something like that. So here I am...in this slump of selfishness and loathing and I can't figure out what the heck I did to get here.
But I know how it get out. Jesus. That simple. That powerful. His grace is sufficient for me..even my crabby, mean, mode that encumbers and clouds my day.
Here is the problem....I know Jesus is the answer, I want to be in a better mode, but I also want to selfishly sulk about all the things that are putting me in this funk instead of seek the peace of a loving Savior. What the heck is wrong with me? Am I on drugs? no....but apparently I can't get out of my own way long enough to receive the blessings of redemption and the abundant grace that overflows from a life found in Christ....is this human nature? Are we all this stupid? Or is it just me? Perhaps the later has a ring of truth.
Solution? Suck it up and turn to truth: Roamns 7
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "
Pray for me...to suck it up...put my stubborn, selfish, sin nature aside and accept the gift of unmerited favor and grace....I seriously don't deserve it...but dang am I grateful!
Monday, February 9, 2009
God is good:-)
Over the past seven odd years I have found myself living in various different locations....from Boston, to Newport Beach, Swanzey Lake, London....now to Chicago.
Throughout my decision process as to "where" to move, i have tried to be faithful to pray and trust that God has prepared the way for each local. Of course, faith is an action, so if we want to see God move we got to pick up our feet! The version in Genesis where God says to Abram, "Go and I WILL show you the land I have given you!" The tense of word 'will' has always struck me as indicative of God's nature. Part of faith is trusting in what we can't see....luckily faith is a gift and we can ask for more of it!
Anyways, point of my ramble....in each of the places I have moved there has been that moment when I am walking around like normal and suddenly it strikes me that I am home. I am exactly where God wants me and I have an overwhelming feeling of joy and peace the washes over me like a wave of grace from God the Father:-).....today I received a wave!
I don't know what God has in store for my life, but I know that it will be an adventure. I don't know what this Chicago life will look like, but I am excited. I have no idea what the future hold, but I will GO, and He WILL show me:-)
Throughout my decision process as to "where" to move, i have tried to be faithful to pray and trust that God has prepared the way for each local. Of course, faith is an action, so if we want to see God move we got to pick up our feet! The version in Genesis where God says to Abram, "Go and I WILL show you the land I have given you!" The tense of word 'will' has always struck me as indicative of God's nature. Part of faith is trusting in what we can't see....luckily faith is a gift and we can ask for more of it!
Anyways, point of my ramble....in each of the places I have moved there has been that moment when I am walking around like normal and suddenly it strikes me that I am home. I am exactly where God wants me and I have an overwhelming feeling of joy and peace the washes over me like a wave of grace from God the Father:-).....today I received a wave!
I don't know what God has in store for my life, but I know that it will be an adventure. I don't know what this Chicago life will look like, but I am excited. I have no idea what the future hold, but I will GO, and He WILL show me:-)
Friday, January 16, 2009
Fasting
It is my general impression that most of us are lacking in the spiritual discipline department. In a society inundated with instant gratification it is easy to understand why the concept of sacrifice is difficult. But how do you get from understanding the obstacles to practicing spiritual disciplines? Why should we even try? What the heck is a spiritual discipline anyways?
Let me back track, when I say "spiritual discipline" I mean a behavior I choose to do as a means to get closer to God and receive His grace. For example: tithing, praying, journaling, reading my Bible, and fasting.
Why should we try to practice spiritual disciplines? They provide opportunities to trust God; chances to see more of His character; the possibility to interact with the living God and be transformed by Him.
What about obstacles? Actually that is why I am writing, I think the obstacles are the barriers we push at in order to see God face to face!
This is what I mean: I find it difficult to fast, but I think it is important for the aforementioned reasons. But lately I have been having an exceedingly difficult time committing to my times of fasting. There were several reasons for this, however I realized that my biggest problem was that I was concentrating on the action of fasting and forgetting the purpose! I took God out of the equation and was consumed by the physical action and subsequent reaction of depriving myself of food. I was so focused on the tangible that I forgot to pray through the sacrifice.
In a moment of clarity I rectified my mistake and prayed for revelation. Realizing that the obstacle was my opportunity to pushing into God. This is an excerpt from my journal:
"I am fasting in preparation for this conference, in anticipation that you will be there in power. With an expectant heart to see you move. Forgetting though that hunger points out my humanness and it is that reminder that should demonstrate the need for you...my hunger, my weakness, my inability to sustain my own needs, my dependence on things of this world, and YOUR ability to sustain me fully with manna from heaven with more then I could ever want. yes, i need food to survive....but I am awful dependent on food as a source of comfort and stability instead of you. I rebuke that behavior! I rebuke my dependence on food! I pray that I can more fully be dependent on you as my source of peace, hope, grace, and truth. I will not make an idol of things of this world. I will remember that YOU are God. You alone are my foundation and nothing about your peace is temporary or fleeting. You are my sustainer of life and I put my trust in you alone. Help me to remember that you are the one who i need to depend on. You are the one that is the giver of life. You are the one who can fill me up and keep me satisfied. What I need daily is not food, by YOU alone!"
And it is on that note that I hope you have the opportunity to push through barriers and meet with God. Don't be afraid of obstacles or sacrifice...they are chances to see God move.
Let me back track, when I say "spiritual discipline" I mean a behavior I choose to do as a means to get closer to God and receive His grace. For example: tithing, praying, journaling, reading my Bible, and fasting.
Why should we try to practice spiritual disciplines? They provide opportunities to trust God; chances to see more of His character; the possibility to interact with the living God and be transformed by Him.
What about obstacles? Actually that is why I am writing, I think the obstacles are the barriers we push at in order to see God face to face!
This is what I mean: I find it difficult to fast, but I think it is important for the aforementioned reasons. But lately I have been having an exceedingly difficult time committing to my times of fasting. There were several reasons for this, however I realized that my biggest problem was that I was concentrating on the action of fasting and forgetting the purpose! I took God out of the equation and was consumed by the physical action and subsequent reaction of depriving myself of food. I was so focused on the tangible that I forgot to pray through the sacrifice.
In a moment of clarity I rectified my mistake and prayed for revelation. Realizing that the obstacle was my opportunity to pushing into God. This is an excerpt from my journal:
"I am fasting in preparation for this conference, in anticipation that you will be there in power. With an expectant heart to see you move. Forgetting though that hunger points out my humanness and it is that reminder that should demonstrate the need for you...my hunger, my weakness, my inability to sustain my own needs, my dependence on things of this world, and YOUR ability to sustain me fully with manna from heaven with more then I could ever want. yes, i need food to survive....but I am awful dependent on food as a source of comfort and stability instead of you. I rebuke that behavior! I rebuke my dependence on food! I pray that I can more fully be dependent on you as my source of peace, hope, grace, and truth. I will not make an idol of things of this world. I will remember that YOU are God. You alone are my foundation and nothing about your peace is temporary or fleeting. You are my sustainer of life and I put my trust in you alone. Help me to remember that you are the one who i need to depend on. You are the one that is the giver of life. You are the one who can fill me up and keep me satisfied. What I need daily is not food, by YOU alone!"
And it is on that note that I hope you have the opportunity to push through barriers and meet with God. Don't be afraid of obstacles or sacrifice...they are chances to see God move.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
It's been awhile...
I realize that in light of declaring that I would write entries to my book here I have subsequently stopped posting all together. Definitely not my original intent! Therefore, in light of my lack of diligence to post entry for "Ramblings of an Incomplete Idiot" I will just an update on my life in Chicago:-)
Biggest change: I FOUND A CHURCH!!!!!!!!
Since moving to Chicago I have gone to many great churches, but have yet to find a home. That changed when I went to the Newfrontiers church plant, Fusion, (www.realfusion.org). It isn't anything like the type of church I was looking for, but the people are real, they obviously love Jesus, and the are passionate about Chicago...all things considered, I guess they are exactly what I was looking for!
Second, NPU people are back from Winter break and I am excited for a new semester of small group with some amazing ladies:-) Also grateful for the friends that God has provided in this new and strange city.
Things to look forward to in 2009:
-Remembering the promises God has spoken into my life and putting faith into action to take steps to claim those promises...(aka get off my lazy butt, stop complaining and doing something!)
-Growing in new disciplines, (actually being obedient and diligent for more then, what, 4 days)
-Running the Chicago half-marathon in June with Kari, and the full marathon in October with JT
-Making a budget and sticking to it
-Going on new adventures
-Having peace at the prospect of the unknown
Biggest change: I FOUND A CHURCH!!!!!!!!
Since moving to Chicago I have gone to many great churches, but have yet to find a home. That changed when I went to the Newfrontiers church plant, Fusion, (www.realfusion.org). It isn't anything like the type of church I was looking for, but the people are real, they obviously love Jesus, and the are passionate about Chicago...all things considered, I guess they are exactly what I was looking for!
Second, NPU people are back from Winter break and I am excited for a new semester of small group with some amazing ladies:-) Also grateful for the friends that God has provided in this new and strange city.
Things to look forward to in 2009:
-Remembering the promises God has spoken into my life and putting faith into action to take steps to claim those promises...(aka get off my lazy butt, stop complaining and doing something!)
-Growing in new disciplines, (actually being obedient and diligent for more then, what, 4 days)
-Running the Chicago half-marathon in June with Kari, and the full marathon in October with JT
-Making a budget and sticking to it
-Going on new adventures
-Having peace at the prospect of the unknown
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)