Hope for the Hopeless

Ask any of my friends, I am a verbal processor.  Probably annoyingly so…but regardless, it is how I decompress and gain perspective. Therefore, for the purpose of dealing with life this post is about seeking hope in the midst of the unknown.  Thanks for the space to process.  You may not have signed up for the job of sounding board, but hey, you are the one reading!  May my ramblings be relevant to your ears and your heart.

Okay, this week I was struck by the sheer number of unknowns in my immediate future.  For example…where will I sleep in a month?  Where will I call home?  Where, if anywhere, will I do ministry?  Job? Finances? Future? All are unknown…the last eight years of my life have been characterized by a series of leaps.  Jump first, trust God, and ask questions later.  After all, God said to Abram “Go and I will show you…”  Obviously there is faith involved in following God and not blind faith in the sense of lemmings following to the unknown…but trusting that He is a good God and we don’t need to know all the details to be obedient and follow where He is leading.  Even when we think we know the details, God could be leading us somewhere completely different and the adventure lies in trusting Him and His sovereignty over the grand scheme of things.  So again, I have little hesitation to leap headfirst into the unknown.  Because I follow the Known God.

Yet…this week…I don’t even know where to jump.  One of my life verses is Proverbs 16:9 “Man makes plans in his heart but God directs his steps.”  Again, our faith is worked out as we follow God. All I can do is follow where I believe He is leading and have the peace and understanding to let dreams go and change as they do and pick up new dreams and venture down paths that are opened to me.  But this week I felt as if all doors were slammed in my face.  Plans, contingency plans, and contingency plans for my contingency plans all fell through.  Job search is still in a holding pattern.  Personal life is, well, hard.  It seems like everything I am dreaming for, hoping for, and planning is out of my control and out of reach.  My heart is burdened with the unknown and I do not even know what direction to face, let alone jump towards…

But again, the truth that keeps resonating with my heart is this: in the unknown I am loved by the Known God.  In Him there is hope for the hopeless and peace for the weary.  All those who are burdened and heavy-laden can come to Him and find rest.  I guess I need rest.  Peace.  Patience.  And hope.  I want to plan out the future, but I can’t.  I want to be in control, but I’m not.  That in and of itself should be reassuring…do I really want to be the one in control?  Perhaps not.  All I am saying is that life is hard, but even as it is hard I will continue to look towards God.  I will continue to seek peace and hope for what’s next.  And I will trust that the Good God has good plans ahead.

Life is hard, but God is faithful.  It is the cry of my heart to ask for more faith and peace for the process.  So Lord, hear my cry.

We are NOT made for death!

Hello again dear friends.  It has been a while and for that I apologize.  Update? My time in Nebraska has sadly come to an end, I “walked” at my seminary graduation, and am currently completely the last requirement for my degree, CPE (clinical pastoral education…hospital chaplaincy).

People keep asking about CPE but it hard to put into words or convey in a passing conversation.  “So you pray for people at the hospital?” I am often asked.  “You’re a doctor now?” NO!...But I do get to wear a white coat which makes that fact confusing for patients.  The best I can describe it is this: I am privileged to be invited into people’s space.  Into their joy.  Into their sorrow.  Into their mourning.  Into their pain & suffering.  It is humbling, heavy, sorrow-filled, and also an experience that teaches me much about God every day.

In the face of great suffering, the failing of the body, and death, God continues to burden my heart with His truth. WE ARE NOT MADE FOR DEATH.  Here is the harsh reality: this side of Christ’s return we experience the full brunt of death…pain, loss, suffering, heart-ache, grief…But we also have hope.  We have hope because we know death is NOT the end of the story.  In the unknown we are loved by the KNOWN God.  In Christ there is redemption, reconciliation, and ultimately LIFE.

Yet, what does that mean for death in the here and now?  The other day I watched a man die.  Just forty-five years old.  The father of small children.  Loved by so many people there was not even space for them in his room as they pulled out his breathing tube.  He was brain dead, the family had made the decision to end his suffering, it was his job to stop breathing and go with God.  But no one told him that.  Everything in this man fought for life.  The beautiful, intricate, masterpiece that is the human body fought death with everything it had.  There would be moments when this man’s breathing would dissipate and the family would draw near thinking it was that end.  But then his whole body would convulse, grasping for air, fighting for one more breath.  It took him three and a half hours to die.

As a chaplain I was invited into this space with the grieving family…as a human I fought back tears at the tragedy that is death.  THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WERE MADE FOR!  God made us for life and life with Him.  We experience death because of the brokenness in the world.  We often choose death for ourselves every day.  The blessing of chaplaincy is the reminder that God is present and healing even in death.  That grief reminds us that we SHOULD feel the injustice of death.  Loss, pain, suffering…it is all injustice because this is not the way the story should be.  Though the suffering may last for the night, His joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5). 

As I weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice I turn my eyes to God and the hope that death will NEVER have the final word.  Even in the muck, in the full force and reality of death, it is not what triumphs.  Christ is.

Call Process, schmall process...

I apologize for the lack of posting as of late.  My colleague has been on maternity leave for seven weeks and it has been seven weeks since I last posted…coincidence?  If I am honest, in this temporary gig of pseudo-solo pastor I do not think I have done an excellent job of maintaining boundaries in terms of rest.  In fact, as I donned the new set of responsibilities all sense of self preservation went out the window!

But alas, I am here once again indulging in a practice that never fails to bring me life: writing.  As I look into the future and hope for what God has in store I know that if I indeed plan on a lifetime of ministry I need to be diligent on self-care.  Writing, running, reading, friends….that is what gives me life and if I hope for a full one, I cannot let those go to the wayside every time I am given more responsibility.  In fact, the more responsibility I am given the BETTER I should be at self-care.  That is what a life time of ministry is all about.

Anyways, confession number one merits confession number two.  These past few weeks have not only been a new experience as a pseudo-solo pastor, but it has also been the official start of my call process.  The call what?  Yeah, I know, what am I talking about?  Well, in the Evangelical Covenant Church, the process of finding a position in ministry is known as the call process.  It begins with an extensive profile which combines your resume, theological perspective, and location preferences into one central place.  From there individuals in the call process interview with 20 denominational leaders and conference superintendents.  The point behind all these interviews is this: the conference superintendents already know the churches, now they want to know the candidates.  That way they can give referrals that fit the church and fit the individual.  It is actually a pretty exciting process.  But here is what I need to confess…

I think I can somehow have control over the process.  My friends often joke with me, “Trust the process.”  Why?  Because it is crazy to think that 8 months from now I have no idea where I will live and no clue in what role God would have me serve.  It is my default to be able to plan out my future.  But now more than ever I know that while I make plans in my heart, God directs my steps (Proverbs 16:9).  So here I am, trusting the process, and daily laying down my desire to control it all.  I confess to you because I need to confess to myself.  I need to trust the process….whatever that means and whatever that looks like, at least I know that God is in the process.  I know I trust Him:-)

Seminary ramblings....

For this week's post I simply share the conclusion of my paper on how we deal with the evil in our present reality.  Hope you enjoy!  

         We are not oblivious, naïve, or ignorant of evil. As the Church we cannot afford to be unaware of Powers and Principalities, of darkness, of evil in our midst.  In Christ we are victorious over the Powers through the resurrection, but faith in Christ also brings knowledge and responsibility.  The origin of evil come from the inversion of what knowledge of good and evil would bring: separation from God.  In Christ we have once again been given that knowledge, but this time as a means for reconciliation, restoration, redemption and hope.  We engage with evil knowing that its forces are all an illusion; we care for people knowing that their pain is real and their experiences of evil are paramount for how they understand God.  We care for the hurt, battle with the forces opposed to God, and fight the fight knowing that victory is ours in the present as well as the Eschaton.  We preach good news because the truth of Christ equips humanity to resist evil.  We put on the full armor of God[1] because in the tension of the “now” and the “not yet” there is a battle with Powers and Principalities.  For so long I have wrestled with my understanding of evil and of the Powers and Principalities.  I struggle because I failed to grasp the hope in the present when imminent threat appears unstoppable.  Evil experienced in humans, in forces, even within myself stood in opposition of how I understood freedom in Christ and the victory of the Cross.  The good news is this: the war against the Powers is finished, but God has not left us alone in the immediate where the battle wages on.  He has given us His word, His truth, His love, and His Holy Spirit to fight the battles that must be fought and bring hope to the lost and the broken.  Evil may not be explained away, but it is put in its place, under the feet of Christ.

In the end, I whole-heartily agree with Stringfellow’s assessment of our reality in the tension of the coming Eschaton.  This is truth, reality, but ultimately: HOPE.

“This is an awful freedom into which the Church is born and into which the Christian is baptized.  It is a freedom to live in this present age, during the remaining time of death’s apparent reign, without escaping or hiding or withdrawing from the full reality of death’s presence, bearing the brunt of its powers, yet jubilantly confident at the same time of Christ’s victory over death and all the powers of death.  It is the freedom to live anywhere, any day, in such a way as to expose and confound the works of death and at the same time to declare and honor the work of Christ.  It is the extraordinary freedom ‘to be in but not of this world.’ As the language of tradition puts it: it is the freedom to be in a world which appears to belong to death and which death claims but in fact to belong to Christ.”[2]

           

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[1] Ephesians 6:13-17

[2] Stringfellow, 76.

Creative Juices

It has been forever since I have blogged and I apologize.  Life in ministry is wonderful and busy.  As of Tuesday, I am officially a solo pastor for the next 10 weeks while the other pastor is on maternity leave.  I am excited for Advent, Christmas, and whatever God has in store in this coming season.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to stay over with some friends in northern Nebraska and see a college short story slam.  In honor of them and through the inspiration of aspiring writers I wrote those friends a 55 word story this morning before heading back to Ceresco.  I hope you enjoy:

Buzz.  SLAM!  Agghh, snooze…Buzz.  “GOSH!”  SLAM!  Trudge.  Aggh.  Morning.  The percolating promise of hope wafted through the house like a warm embrace.  Lights.  Water.  Toothpaste.  Mirror.  Reality.  AAGGHH!  Yet, breaking through monotony came the aroma of a savior.  Dark, rich grounds, seeped to perfection, equipping for the day.  One perfect cup.  It begins…