A book of confession for my own piety weaknesses that frustrate me and I pray will one day change:
There are some annoying people in this world. People that purposefully get on your nervous, people whom are oblivious to their own stigma.....people who are great, but have those little habits that make you want to tear your eyeballs out of their sockets with a spoon just to focus your attention on something, anything else. But what I find most annoying and unbearable if I allow myself to think about it is the fact that what I find annoying in other people, is actually what I hate about myself.
A hypocrite of hypocrites, solely focused on the shortcomings of others in an attempt to hide from the mirror of self-realization. However, even after brief moments of clarity of epiphany, of confession, I eventually resort back to the behaviors I despise. Why? Because consciously or unconsciously, I make the decision that it is too much effort to change. All the complaining, all the whining, all the hot-air being blown into oblivion is in vain. A charade to fool myself more then others. The illusion of desire to change, without a hint of sincerity.
What is my problem? In one word: laziness! You can say I am a product of my environment, a victim to my culture that promises instant gratification, but I believe the blame lies a bit closer to home then even I want to admit. When I try to put the blame outside of myself I feel the sting of denial in the pit of my stomach. Sure, it would be easy to blame my lack of aptitude to grow on an external source, but I know that is a lie. There comes a point where we each have to take responsibility for the decisions we make…or lack there of to be more specific. To quote one of my favorite pastors, Mark Driscoll says there are sins of commission and sins of omission. Meaning there are decisions we make, conscious or not, to act in a particular manner contrary to what is right: a sin of commission. Then there are things that we ought to do, but we opt out of doing the right thing: a sin of omission.
These here are the ramblings of my incomplete mind…me the idiot. This is an attempt to use my passion for writing to express the things I don’t want to talk about, don’t want to deal with, and don’t want to change…but need to! So please indulge me in this venture…read…comment…share….reflect….and be honest with yourself…after all, that is the point I am trying to get to. I’m write in light of my personal conviction the Jesus Christ died for my sins, was buried, and rose again (conquering death). Not everyone who reads this will agree with that, but I ask you to please keep an open mind and don’t write me off. Thanks
This is the prologue to my first installment….
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